"Everything Else Goes Away"

January 7...back in Albuquerque. New York was an unbelievable week of inspiration and hope. I wish it didn't have to end. In 5 and a half days I managed to see 6 shows in this order:
Saturday:A Little Night Music
Monday:Promises, Promises and American Idiot
Tuesday: Next to Normal
Wednesday: The Adams Family
Thursday: La Cage Aux Folles
I had the honor of seeing so many of my heroes! I mean WHAT A TRIP!! I saw Bernadette Peters, Molly Shannon, Nathan Lane, Billy Joe Armstrong, Kelsey Grammar, Sean Hays and KRISTEN CHENOWETH!!! I Never imagined I would be able to see/meet one of the very people who Inspired me to start singing in the first place.
But the highlight of my own personal experience was Next to Normal. The show was AMAZNG and the actors phenomenal, but I have to admit this wasn't why I Loved seeing this show. I have been working the song I'm alive since Kurt's last visit, and I have always LOVED this song, but something Inside hit me very hard when Kurt told me that it fit my voice perfectly. (A bit of backstory for this...I love the role Gabe! If I could play any character on Broadway It would be him. More so than Tony or Roger or Fiero.) Because not only do you have to have a great voice to pull this off, the guys cast as Gabe are the type of guy i long to be soooo badly. These guys are PERFECT! Great voices, Great dance ability and physically flawless. (The guy comes out without a shirt in the first song and the women (and many guys) are hanging off of his every word. ) He is everything I have never been able to be. But when he came out to sing I'm Alive, I had a much different experience than I'd ever had and it's so hard to explain. It was like an outer body experience. I was on stage singing. but not me...him. I don't know if that makes any sense, but I was looking out from him and just singing and rocking that song. I felt a little  bit of what the guy on stage was feeling, and it was beyond compare.
It sounds weird but I felt it and it was like I was completely rediscovering why I started doing this in the first place, and really understanding how much I want this. With every bone in my body and with every moment of everyday. I need to make it happen, and It's beyond wanting food or wanting a girlfriend or wanting to be somebody else. It was beyond all the things that have given me heartache or strife in high school. It's beyond manic depression it's beyond anything else. It will be mine, I'm sure of it.